Will I ever look like a girl again?

Coffee of the Day - Salted Caramel Pecan

Well I just got home from the hospital after having the first round of scans done. I am so blessed to have the most kind and friendly people at the hospital we use. They are always so very nice to me and that really does make such a big difference, especially as often as I am there.


David cut my hair yesterday to get ready for chemo. (photo taken this a.m. at hospital) it's not just short, it's pretty much a buzz cut, but with little spikey bits poking up here and there. oh my. I don't resemble anything female anymore. look like some odd creature that is asexual. if I weren't wearing pink crocs and a pink hoodie, you wouldn't know exactly WHAT I was...... once all of my hair is gone, no one will be able to tell if I'm a girl, boy, cat, dog, hedgehog, or elephant.....sigh. but you will look at me and think, 'oh my, that person is SICK'.

I have never ever wanted to be defined by my illnesses, whatever they were - whether it was my seizures or chronic fatigue or my tremors (that have gotten really bad lately) or the cancer. but we as humans can't help it. you see a woman without any hair and your mind automatically thinks 'chemo/cancer/sick'. I do it, we all do it. and I do NOT want cancer to be all that I am. I will NOT let cancer be all that I am.


So many people have told me that I need to journal about all I am going through, so David was so nice and let me buy a Smash book when I was at the grocery store the other night. They just happened to have a brand new display of the Smash products, well at least I think it was a new display. I hadn't been to the grocery store in forever. So of course I grabbed the pink one after calling Dave to ask him about it. I've got the cover almost completely decorated. I'll post it as soon as it's finished. I've been working on some journaling tags for the inside. Have forwarded a few photos off to Walmart that Dave will pick up for me later so I can add those as well. All of the cards I've received will go inside. I think this book will help me a lot. I have a few stamp sets I want to pick up for this - some Unity Brave Girl and She Art, Saturated Canary, MFT Fight Like a Girl, and a few others. they seem to fit so well what I am going through and what I want to say.

I never did mention it, but over the weekend, Ryan was in the HS musical. They did 'The Wizard of Oz' and he had several parts. I was able to go yesterday. how wonderful to get out, not only to see Ryan & his friends do such a wonderful job, but to catch up with so many great friends of ours as well.

I'll post again after chemo on Wed. and I see how I do.
Love to all of you! Jennifer