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Monday, April 23, 2012

Thunderstorms & Zombies

Coffee of the Day - Mocha Mint

Oh the twists and turns the roads we walk do take.... thunderstorms are approaching, my dear friends. but you need a rain shower in order to make those beautiful rainbows, don't you? Rainbows are filled with such promise, such beauty, let us never forget for one moment.

My hair is almost completely gone. Not really such a biggie in the long run, but it is sure annoying to have it constantly falling out into my face. I seem to leave piles of it every where I go - worse than the dogs. so glad we cut it down to just an inch or so or else it would be very traumatic to see clumps of it all over the place. We'll be shaving it off today if possible. I have these horrid sores that have cropped up all over my body, but especially on my poor little head. My teeth are turning a strange shade of grey, and oh, how my bones just hurt.



I tried to let Tyler and Mick know over the phone that their Mom is looking much different, but when Mick came home this weekend for a quick trip, the look on his face said it all. poor guy tried to hide it, but I could see the horror in his eyes. How I would love to not ever have my family go through this battle - to be able to protect them the way a Mother should from the trials of life so they don't have to watch...... that is the hardest part of this walk. I don't care what happens to me - better me than anyone else. but oh good golly..... don't make it hard on my guys. that breaks my heart into pieces.

I ask for prayers for them, please. I will be fine, no matter where this road takes me. But my family.... oh my. They didn't sign on for this. and the tears I cry are all for them. I see the look in their eyes and it rips me apart. I would protect them from this if I could. I would keep them from having to see my body fall apart and decay. I truly am turning into a zombie right in front of them. and there is nothing I can do to shelter them from the horror of what I am becoming.

But there is still joy.... I know it deep down inside. I feel it and I can see it. A robin has built her nest right outside our back porch room. I watched her on Saturday bring the pieces to the lilac bush where she has decided her family home should be. On Sunday I saw the most beautiful red fox running along side the road. It's been years since I last saw one in its natural habitat. My cat friend comes by every day to visit with me on the back steps. He will even let me pet him now. So while my body changes there are still precious moments of beauty if we can but stop and find a moment to be still and enjoy them.

25 comments:

julie e said...

I really admire your attitude. Its a good reminder to not let the little things slow us down!

Linda w said...

They may have to see you suffering, you can't change that, but they are also seeing your strength. Imagine the strength that will give to them too...because it will empower them and enable them to see that they too can take on anything and win. They have a winner in front of them. More power to you. Hugs lin

NickelNook said...

Good morning, Jennifer!
Since we shared the owl, it's fun that you would now mention some other sweet critters that I have also had the pleasure of enjoying in my own yard! We had a wonderful...and quite large fox eating berries off a bush in our back yard. So my husband decided he would be the one to sneak up on him to take photos. My husband has been forever fired from the "sneaker" position! lol Our yard is an acre but that fox heard him coming from a mile away! I do have one photo of him running off! haha Also, we had these silly Robins that just would not think it through when it came to nest building! Location, location, location! They continually built three feet off the ground. I spent 24/7 saving them from the cat next door! It was exhausting! lol I was so happy when those baby birds finally learned how to fly! :o)
So sorry for writing a book here! I can sometimes ramble! My prayers for you, and your loved ones, continue!...Nancy :o)
Oh...one more thing...it was just reported on our news that the neighboring town has a "moose on the loose"! Isn't that fun? I'm hoping it's headed our way! Have you seen one of those yet? :o)

Cheryl said...

Hi there! I was just poppin' by to say "Hi!".

Sorry to hear you are not feeling so great with the aches and pains. I hope that is will pass soon.

Sending hugs to you and your family,

Cheryl

Renee said...

Jennifer, your family is such an integral part of your fight....they are the main reason you fight! Linda is right, they will get the strength they need from the incredible woman they are honored to call MOM!

Suzie McFloozy said...

Dear Jen I am in total agreement with Linda - your faith and strength will pull you all through - I wish I had an ounce of your strength x
Just know that there is alot of love surrounding you AND your lovely family xxxxx
Love you lots dear friend
((hugs)) Suzie xoxo

Jennifer said...

Dear Jennifer,
I am so delighted that you are finding joy in the simple things that slip into your days! I pray for your sons and husband and family and friends. I know it is difficult for them to see, but know that it only hurts them because they love you so! May they see Jesus's love for them even in this, and may you continue to lean on His incredible strength each day!

Susie said...

Praying for you. Sending hugs.

Anne-Marie said...

Oh, my dear....it's wonderful that you can still see the hand of the Lord in your daily life....I'm thinking these creatures are attracted to your gentle and loving spirit.
I also remember thinking, during my own battle, that I was so very glad that this was not happening to my girls, my Mam, my sisters, and thanked the Lord for that blessing.
Linda hit the nail on the head.....your strength will strengthen your loved ones!

Cely said...

You bring tears to my eyes, Jen. A prayer for you and one for your family. I especially like your stories about the animals that you take the time to notice. Thanks so much for being an inspiration to all of us.

Jenn Borjeson said...

Oh Jen. My heart just goes out to you and your family,and OF COURSE I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers, my friend. Sending you giant hugs. xoxo

Scrapping Julie said...

you are a beautiful, strong woman. May God bless you!

Joan B said...

Jennifer, I am so sorry that you are going through these most difficult times. I sort of chuckled (not really) that you are worried about your family because they are worried about you and it is a big circle of worry. With love comes concern and worry and it is human nature. Imagine if they did not worry -- it would mean they did not care. So I guess we cannot stop the worry.

You are posting some amazing things and I am reading all your posts. Hugs to you and your family.

Susan Raihala said...

Praying for you and your family, for strength, courage, comfort, and healing.

Dinahsoar said...

I found a lump in my breast in 1991. My doctor blew me off. When I returned in 1992 for my physical I complained about the lump. It was biopsied and it was cancer. This year I celebrate 21 years a survivor. Early on I realized that it was part of God's plan and the outcome was in his hands. I was able to say like Job 'though he slay me, yet will I trust him'. But the Lord confirmed to me early on that I would survive the cancer and this was the verse He used "I will not die but live and proclaim what the Lord has done". The verse is in the book of Psalms. I hope you will be fully healed and see many more fruitful years. Here's to hope, and when our hope is placed in the Lord we cannot fail.

craftjunkiesc said...

Jennifer, You don't know me; I'm here by way of Joan B.'s blog. I think you have the greatest attitude about the journey you're on. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. I've been where you are, gone thru what you're going thru and I just want you to know there's hope. Your family didn't sign up for this, but you didn't either. Like I said, I don't "know" you, but from what you've written, I feel we're both more concerned about others than ourselves. Let me tell ya, this in ONE TIME IN YOUR LIFE you need to put that concern aside and let your family & friends to the care-taking. It will go along way in your recovery. Learn from my mistakes on this one, OK? You need to put ALL your energy into recovery now. Your family's stronger than you realize. And you made them that way. Let 'em show you what a great job you did!
I wish you a gentle journey. I'll be following along with you.

Randa

Ann said...

Prayers for you and your family.

I am a stranger to you (followed a link), but hope you don't mind my post. Your courage in the face of this challenge is very impressive.

Carmen said...

I followed the post on Joan B's blog... I don't know you and it's so hard to know what to say to anyone going through the trials of cancer. Your description of your son seeing you really made me want to cry because I can imagine my kids, and just like you, I would never want them to have to go through such heart ache.

I will be thinking of you and your family, and hoping that soon you can be posting very positive updates, and that these days will only be a bump in the road and a distant memory.

Your strength is amazing!

Smilie girl said...

I too don't know your story (have come via Joan B) but have only best wishes and prayers for you and your family. It sounds like a difficult journey that you are heading down. I love the care and concern you have for your family, as I'm sure they have for you.

Liva said...

We have never met and most probably never will, but I just wanted to let you know how deeply touched I am about you. I have never known a person so strong as you are! This deep love you have for your family and small wonders of life is amazing.
but I also want to ask you - please take care about yourself as well - let your family take care of you - you are their most precious!
With most sincere prayers and thoughts,
Liva ❤

Sue said...

Praying for you and keeping you in my prayers as this journey continues for you. Don't forget that God is right there with you each step of the way.

creativearts said...

Special thoughts and prayers go out to you and the three men in your life. It is a rough journey but keep looking for the rainbow at the end. Hugs.
Eleanor

pixie sparkle said...

Hi Jen, will be praying for you & your family. Hope you'll get well real soon.
Hugs, Charmayne

judy said...

Jennifer, I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. I know from my own experience how hard this is on you and your family. I agree with a previous comment about the importance of taking care of yourself and allowing others to take care of you too. I wasn't very good at that part and it left me more run down than I needed to be. You need all your resources for fighting this. I am so sorry about the hair loss and the sores. I wish chemo could spare the healthy cells but it doesn't. Sending healing thoughts your way!

Ann Marie said...

Hi Jennifer - another follower of Joan B's here! I am a fellow Breast Cancer Survivor/Thriver!!! Five years as of May 1!!!! You are a strong beautiful woman! I truly believe that your wonderful attitude will carry you to the end and that you will one day be one of US - those that kicked Cancer's a**. I would love to talk to you - if you would like you can send me a private email with either your number or I can give you mine. I will keep you in my prayers! Hugs!