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Saturday, February 9, 2013

Pressing On

Coffee of the Day - Pumpkin Spice



Today doesn't have a card, y'all are probably cheering since my last few cards have looked like poo on a stick..... But instead I'm just writing a few words about pressing on when it seems that life is looking like one bleak day after another.

My one year anniversary with cancer is coming up on Valentine's Day, no less. what a day for celebration. that was the day I found that lump last year. it was in the morning before David was heading out for a full day of meetings. we weren't even going to be able to really spend much of Valentine's Day together anyhow. my goodness, how life has changed in the 365 days since then. and not just for me, but also for my family.

I guess that is one thing I didn't realize - what an impact my cancer would have on David and our sons. To say that it turned their worlds upside down, too, would be a gross understatement. They still won't talk to me about it most days, which saddens me. I said from the beginning that I wanted us to have an open communication throughout this entire ordeal. but they typically keep it all bundled up inside. as do I if we're gonna be completely honest about it all.

and so we press on. I really do still try to find the joy in every day. but sometimes it is hard. life isn't easy. we are never promised that it is going to be. it isn't easy to smile when inside I want to cry because my body is falling apart. it isn't easy to go to one dr. appt. after another when I know how much they cost, and the tests are so very expensive. it isn't easy to get called 'mister' time and time again because I no longer look like a woman, even if I do put on pink. it isn't easy to see my family look at me and wonder if I will ever be healthy again. but still we press on.

and I try to craft when I can. I am so thankful for those days I can lose myself in inks and papers and ribbons. what therapy! I can pour my heart, my self into whatever I make. and it feels good, especially when it turns out right. not like the past few projects.

I've tried submitting to magazines again. that has been a bust on one level, in that I have not been accepted so far. well, one project hasn't. it's as if an entire panel of judges is saying to me, "your heart just isn't good enough for us. sorry." So I am trying to decide whether to submit that project to another magazine or not. I have to really stop and think about why I am submitting in the first place.... so there is some hard thinking to do. But thanks to a very kind person, I do have a card ( possibly 2) getting published in a UK magazine this spring.

and so I press on. and I craft because I really really like it. and what it really comes down to is that it doesn't matter if I ever get published or not. it doesn't matter if people drop following my blog (which always makes me sad) I can't be anyone other than who I am. I am an imperfect person who is just trying to get through each day the best I can. I try to find the sunshine and the joy.

Know that you are loved, truly, deeply, my friends! Press on, for whatever it is that you are dealing with. press on.
Jennifer

22 comments:

Dot said...

Love you Jen, press on ( I had to google translate this phrase..)
Stå på.
hugs Dorte

Kathy said...

First off your last cards have been pretty and very well crafted, they look great! Secondly, I just wanted to say your positive posts and lovely attitude are something to be admired! Published or not, it doesn't matter, sounds like you craft for the enjoyment and that is a great thing. Really hoping things get better and easier with your cancer and treatments soon. Raising my coffee cup to you this morning, you are an inspiration. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts.

Joan Bardee said...

Good for you for using the blog to pour out your heart. Men just aren't chatty the way we are, are they? I hope you are able to craft as much as you want. You deserve it and who cares if it gets published? Most publications are looking for a particular style now and better that you create to make you happy than an editor. Hugs!!! You are the best. Joan

Ardilla said...

Hi, Jenn!
Yes, please, just press on!!!!!
May the Lord give you the strenght for every day and every moment.
Your cards are amazing, I love what you do, and if there is people don´t value it, just press on...
Big and warm hugs,

Ardilla

Sandra van Blaricum said...

I always love your cards Jennifer!!
And please stay who you are, people love you this way!
I'll keep you in my thoughts and hope this hard time will get easier and healthier for you and your family!
Hugs,Sandra

CreatewithTlc said...

I sure haven't seen any "poo on a stick" around here. All your creations are fabulous~! I love your style and your attention to details. I can just feel that everything you place on your card has a purpose. They each tell a little story whether you realize it or not. I understand the publication thing.....that one card may not be in print at the moment....but you are allll over the blogisphere....and I love seeing you in lots of places I visit. Forever you will be my friend, forever.
Paulette

Lucy Patrick said...

Cherish the sweet moments in every day Jen and craft as often as you can, it is the best therapy! We all care about you and pray you're well soon. XOX Lucy

Jennifer said...

Jennifer, each day, each memory is a gift! I know that it has been so hard for you and your family....and will continue to be. But rest in the arms of the Almighty, for His strength is made perfect in our weakness. In some of the hardships I've faced, I remember this verse that a friend shared with me. Ecclesiastes 3:11 " He had made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end." When all is known, you will see that each moment he has given you was perfect, even in your pain. I think of you often and pray for you. Even if I'm not popping by too often, you are loved! I know it is something hard to say; since we have never met. If not here on earth, I shall love to sit with you in glory and get to know you better!
Love and Prayers,
Jennifer
ps. continue to enjoy even the pooy cards, because they give a stepping stone to the ones you'll cherish!

Jennifer said...

Hi me again, I just thought I'd clarify one point.....I absolutely don't think your cards are pooy!!! But I to am my own worst critic. I love your cards and as one looking from the outside love the details you combine to share with all of us!

Penny said...

I wish I could say I understand your pain and your feelings. But I don't--I haven't had to walk a mile in your shoes. What I can say is: that it is perfectly OK to express yourself with all of us. We are here for you, and we all wish you nothing but a full recovery, and ASAP!!!!
Remember, Jennifer, that not only are your cards seen throughout the blogosphere, but so is your heart. And we love that about you.
Soldier on, Kiddo. Let us be your soft place to land.
Big squishy hugs, Penny

Tracy said...

Sweetie pie don't you worry about the publication mess. If it goes it goes. If not, well then so what. It's nice to have our work recognized and yours deserves it, but words spoken here on this blog and the attitude you display to those IRL and in bloggieland will be remembered in far more important ways. Submit just for the fun, but know that the beautiful heart your creations come from is the real work of art. Prayers winging your way GF. :-) Hugs!

Renee said...

Oh Jen, I wish I was better with words & could express what is in my heart for you! I will say...press on my friend, press on! Being published means nothing...your work is wonderful & right from the heart. How I wish I could find a magic cure for you. Your strength never ceases to amaze me!
Love you,
Renee

Geri said...

Craft like no one is watching! Always remember that your work is made by your hands, from your heart!

....and, young lady...I have not seen one bit of poo on a stick coming from this blog. I see beautiful creations coming from a very special someone's soul!

kateri said...

My heart goes out to you. You probably don't remember, but I mentioned in a previous blog that I am a breast cancer survivor. One thing I do know from years of being in counseling, is that anniversaries of tragic or difficult circumstances are extremely hard. We think we're ok, but our mind and body has something called "muscle memory." please give yourself a break and allow yourself to grieve if it needs to. I know that when we have cancer we are in a life and death struggle. So be kind to yourself and be totally selfish and ask for what you need. Men, as sweet as they sometimes can be, don't have a clue and need to be hit over the head. Watch movies, eat chocolate or whatever gets you through the day. I speak from experience and someday you'll be sharing your experience, strength and hope with another woman. I admire the fact that you're keeping your blog and continuing to craft. We are women, hear us roar...or cry. Blessings.---Kateri

vdoyle8 said...

Prayers for you and your family, Jen. I pray that you will return to good health. I pray that you realize how wise and strong you are... Press on, indeed. That is what we do. When my brother was battling cancer, he never stopped "pressing on". He just didn't acknowledge there was another option. We call it "one foot in front of the other". Just keep swimming.... You do it so well. Blessings to you.

Jeanne said...

Am proud to be following your work, Jennifer, and reading about you pressing on is so inspiring. Your cards are lovely, but it's your words that catch my eye and move me. May God's Blessings be on you as you carry on.

julie e said...

I can't imagine dropping your blog. I had become a follower not long before you were diagnosed. Over the past year, your posts have been inspiring and helped me maintain perspective on so many levels. And seeing some eye candy now and then is just the icing on top. Thanks for sharing your journey so openly.

Pam said...

Jennifer,

No matter what is going on your cards are always an inspiration, never doubt that. They are beautiful just like you!! You inspire us and make us realize that hope lives on no matter what the circumstances. Whenever I feel overwhelmed I think of you and a couple of other friends that I know that are going through so much and I know that my problems are really so small in comparison. Take heart and know that you mean so much to so many! BIG HUGS!!!!


teepee said...

Jennifer - please know that your words are touching our hearts. We couldn't care less about your cards being judged as lacking...we who follow your blog know your heart! Please keep blogging your thoughts, they are meaningful and we need you. I, too, don't think I've EVER seen poo-on-a-stick from you. Keep looking up...and may God richly bless you and your family.

Juliana said...

You should keep pressing on too! And always remember why you do what you do and to keep paper crafting a happy thing that brings you joy!!!

scrapclose2theheart said...

Let me share some words with you I heard on tv from Charles Stanley yesterday if I may. "When you feel like you are alone, remember that you are NOT. God NEVER leaves us, He is with us. Now who would you rather have with you when you are feeling alone? God or your best friend?" Jen~That was very eye opening for me even as a Christian. I honestly had never thought of it like that. We as frail human beings often want human companionship. We even crave it. But we always have everything we need if we are truly Christians. I know that YOU know what I mean. I love you & I love your blog. I love your cards. I hope that Charles Stanley's words speak to you as they spoke to me. Hugs My Friend...You are loved by many!

ursula Uphof said...

Jennifer, yes press on, press on. You are such an inspiration to many women, and I admire you, that you can still be the person you are, when only you know what you are going through. Please keep sharing your thoughts with us, you are loved by so many.I pray for you and your boys. May you be given the strength tomorrow to get you through the day, hugs, Ursula